Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Why judiciary why?

After a 2 year long hiatus, i'm back on the blogosphere for one reason. I am sick and tired of the judiciary system being raped inside out by the whims and fancies of politicians and business giants. But we seem to have a very short memory span. Forgetting the last time of rape, we seem to pull our pants down, bend over and shout "Jahapanah tussi great ho ... tofa kubool karo" regularly.

First we sell ourselves to the Barrack States of America by signing the nuke deal and 'buying' F-16 (We need F-16s to fight Pakistan but we sit on our asses when China breaches the LOC) from them. Now we are at their mercy as far as the functioning of these planes go. So indirectly, BSA controls our defense system.

Second we decide to go with the FDI plan with giants like Walmart placing their huge feet on our heads (sorta like Bali Stepping on Vaamanar's head [Dasavatharam reference - not the movie] - yes the reversification was intended). They claim that the farmers are going to benefit from this plan but what the real deal is, is far from claims. Companies like Walmart start supermarkets all over the country and what do you know, they offer the goods at the same prices that your local general merchant offers at. Now as a layman, which one would you prefer? Risk darkening your skin (Garnier - Take Care !!!!) going to the local fellow or stand in the AC with a trolley and hands-on-your-hips attitude? (Answer truthfully - Be a Man !)...? You ask how Walmarts can afford this? Well they purposely take a loss (All you MBAs out there... this is the mother of all strategies) so that they can slit the throats of the local merchants and run them out of business. Now once that is done, and the merchants run out of liquidity, capital and even their underwear, the Walmarts will shoot up their prices and effect a monopoly. And we are forced to shell out the hard earned money to sharks like walmart.

No introduction is needed to the whole IPL scam. I am not against betting, but its 'tweaking' the outcome of a game to benefit from the betting is what is wrong. Am sure a lot of people know this. But the sad part is, Sreesanth, Chauhan, Chandila and Gurunath were just the krill - so far down the food chain - while the blue whales are still continuing to do what they do best - screw the game for their benefit. And so much of rut goes on in the game - right from senior most players being solicited by actresses so that they are pulled into the 'tweaking', down to leading politicians pimping out to mob bosses - that a true follower of the game would just consider the game dead and hope it RIP. And through all this, what does our judiciary do, sit back, grant bails to bookies and watch the proceedings. (But kudos to the cops for actually bringing this out in the first place). And needless to say, I am sure people would be more than happy to fight for tickets in the stadium stands the next time IPL or any such hi-fi game is played.

Coming to the Ramar Paalam (Rama's bridge) that is shown to connect Tamil Nadu to Srilanka. Some activists are hell bent upon breaking it down citing eelam and other issues. And fact is that BSA seems to be supporting it hardcore. Now two things I want to ask BSA :

1. Why are you interfering in matters thats got nothing to do with you. (As my dear racist aussies would say) Sod off Mate !.

2. Some of us know the true reason behind you supporting the bringing down of the bridge. There are tons and tons of Nuclear Fuel (Uranium..???) deposits that have formed on the bridge (underwater) over the years. Now if the people come to know about it, India would show you the finger and implement Nuclear power and hence become a superpower (read - pain in the ass to BSA) - which you would very much like to avoid considering you have enough vodka drinking friends to be afraid of.

But.... thanks to our darling politicians, the people are kept away from such information through diversions like FDI, inflation, sex scandals etc.

In most countries, the judiciary is the supreme power of the country and politics is only a part of the system. But as far as India is concerned, judiciary is just a toy in the hands of powerful politicians and businessmen. That is the reason our GDP is uncontrollable and our country's economy continues to deteriorate on a daily basis. If only our judiciary were to break free from the clutches, this would be a far superior country than any other.

As always we are god fearing people and will leave everything we dont (care to) understand to an unseen force... So... GOD save this country !!!

Peace !

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

PLUS

Hey guys.

I know I know. Don't even start. My hibernation has extended for long enuf. Now to get down and dirty. Well I cant be blamed for my abstinence you see.

The whole work scene, the travelling, yours truly getting the knot (tsk tsk - for those who didnt come for the wedding, u better run to Timbaktu, cuz I'm comin to get you.
And for those who didn't get the invitation - well, I'm off to an anonymous place, on very important NATIONAL DUTY, which does NOT offer cell phone or email reception....),
and a lot more stuff !

We, the mankind of planet Earth - meaning us, always look for something extra in whatever we do. Never content with what we have...

We go to a restaurant - "Can I get some extra fries on the side please". Or in the case of us Indians, "Can I get an extra cup of sambhar please". (Drooling for mom's sambhar...)

We (by we, I mean the ladies) go to a beauty parlour - "can I get some extra massage time" or probably "can I get a free mani/pedi with that package?"

We go to the office, we tell our subordinates, "Can you stay back and finish that report. Its gotta go in tomorrow morning."

We go to a shopping mal, "Boss, can you throw in an extra pair of earrings with that necklace?"

Extra - Extra - Extra

Well, I think the word was coined precisely to perfection. From the word EXTRA-CT. We always try to extract more than what we need / deserve / want.

Plus - Plus - Plus (from the word SUR-PLUS)

Now, this word has taken a lot of wrong turns into meaning something totally different than what it used to be.

Say it once, its a social network. We cant be satisfied with one of em and so we ask for the plus. #+1

Say it twice - you have a social disaster. Let me explain.

In a far, far away land (now, even though I am this close to that place, it seems far off. I think Sunshine (I have been out for so long, I forgot how to tag a blogger in the post... Sniff... Sniff... Sob... Sob...) can vouch for that - OK DONT KILL ME PLEASE), known as lala land (for obnoxiously obvious reasons), there was a young man who was over-worked and needed a little time off. So he went to a "MASSAGE" parlor for a regular, body soothing, relaxing MASSAGE, to say the least. All goes well, but the man is suspicious about why the MASSAGE parlor needs an agent (or so he preferred to call himself), standing outside and calling out (lets say MARKETING) the place. It has a huge Billboard for god's sake!!! Anyways, once he went in, he was at the counter trying to select the right kind of MASSAGE, (receiving weird stares from the masseuse').

Thus goes the conversation :

Receptionist : Good Evening sir. How are you today?

Young Man : Hi. I'm fine. How bout you?

Receptionist : What kind of MASSAGE can we offer you today?

Young Man : A body massage please.

Receptionist : Very well. Will that be a FULL BODY MASSAGE?

Young Man (scratching his head and thinking if there is a HALF BODY MASSAGE) : Ummm... yeah... I guess.

Receptionist : Ok sir. And duration? Would it be 2 hours or 3 hours?

Young Man (Hmmm...Why the hell would a body Massage take that long???) : Whichever one.

Receptionist : So I can put you down for a MASAGGE ++ (Read : Massage Plus Plus)

Young Man (being a part of mankind and always wanting some extra TIME (Get ur head out of ur ass)) : Yeas sure... whatever.

Receptionist : Oh Very well. What race would you prefer?

Young Man : !@#$% (WTF???) aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!! #Facepalm

Thats when it hit the young man what PLUS PLUS actually meant. Well for the record, thats when the young man knew he could run so fast in his life.
It was a miracle !! His feet were taking him 'EXTRA' fast - thankfully.

So, folks - next time you wish for an EXTRA / PLUS, be careful. You might just get what you wished for !!!


Peace.


P.S. It wouldn't have taken Einstein or the CSI to figure out that who the YOUNG MAN was.


Monday, September 13, 2010

'CULT'ure..

Ok Peeps. I am finally back on the forum...!!

Past two months have been craaazzzyyyyyyy hectic with a lot "life-changing" knots.

Tsk...Tsk...

Finally got the time to actually sit down and pen some random gibberish. :P

Recently me and some of my folks got into the discussion of the whole culture, upbringing and modernization thing. I know, its a very used and reused topic been discussed a million times in each and every household.

Today, what we deem as the whole western versus eastern (asian) culture is actually the ideas and perspective of a handful of men. When man became man (as in from tree hopping monkey to what we all are today), who would have decided whether it was right or wrong to wear clothes, to kill another being, to steal or do anything for that matter. It was the perspective of a handful of people that we follow as culture today. Where I may find amusement, another being may find pain and abuse. And the same is true vice versa.

So people actually fight and argue about culture shaping them and so son but the whole thing is they are just blindly following what a CULT of people decided zillion years ago. So I'm not saying that everyone has to act according to what they think is right or wrong and not give a damn about what others thing and feel. But it has been engraved in us so much that what we think is right or wrong is influenced by that culture.

I may think that an issue, like smoking for example, is wrong but that is influenced by the way I was brought up by my parents, who taught me these ideas of CULTURE. So, at the end of the day, all I can say is being cultured is nothing but making sure you know how to balance between what you think and what would be the consequences of that thought on others who matter. If that balance is maintained... well your a well mannered, cultured person. If it aint, you're just a yahoo / hooligan.

Well, Parents. Dont complain that your kids are not listening to you and that they are going wayward in life or that this whole generation is just messed up...

Little red riding hood didn't listen to her mother..

Jasmine was in a live- in relationship wid Alladin..

Snow White lived alone wid 7 dwarfs...

Pinnochio was a liar...

RobinHood was a thief.

Tarzan walked without clothes on..

A stranger kissed sleeping beauty n she married him.

Cindrella lied, sneaking out at nite to attend a party.

The little mermaid, well dont even ask, she was wooing some other species.

So there you go parents. These are the stories you raised us with and now there is no point complaining !!!

Hahahahaha. PEACE !


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

SCREWED !!

ITS OFFICIAL !

I challenge ANYONE out there (YES it’s an official CHALLENGE) that they couldn’t have had more bad luck in one day than what I had on Sunday (except for you Roy C. Sullivan – US park ranger from Virginia. Well he has to be the man with the worst “Strike” of bad luck. He was struck by lightning 7 times in his lifetime, excluding the time lightning struck his tombstone. Amen).

Well this is how it started. We had some machines that were to be shifted to the site from the warehouse (Warehouse – 13 ?????) which took a god forsaken 15 hours and then was transported to the site (which took another 2 hours). This is where it ALL began.

We had 11 trucks, each carrying an average of about 9-10 tons of machinery. You do the math. I always slept thru math class (Jalaj… Mangla… Sinha…zzzzzzzzzz…).

I successfully moved 9 trucks and placed the machinery in their respective places. Now comes the dreaded 10th truck. We had lifted a crane (Yes ppl, we actually lifted a 12-ton crane… It was an awesome sight !) with the help of 2 other cranes and placed it inside the site to ease the movement of machines.

While emptying the tenth truck, my fate decides to play mind games and I had to go to my car to get something. (It was as if fate had a hand in it and made me disappear from the scene at that exact moment.) I return to find… CRASH!!! One of the machines (12 tons) is lying sideways on the ground.

YES IT WAS FKIN DROPPED FROM A HEIGHT OF 8 FEET !!!! The bloody crane operators didn’t use proper equipment and the metal rope snapped. AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH.

Now the first question a lotta ppl asked me was “how much was the machine worth?”. Well, lets just say I have to win Amitabh Bachan’s long lost tv show TWICE to cover the cost. GRRRRRRRR…!!! I was literally sufferin from shock (seen ppl “go into shock” on tv shows but this is the first time I bloody felt it). After recovering (which was apparently a surprising hour), I rushed back to office to check up on the machines insurance paperwork and that’s when I got the next call.

They were supposed to lift the 3rd crane off the site and pack for the day. When they were lifting it, they dropped the crane and almost killed 3 people (thankfully no one was hurt). So I had to rush back to site and was relieved to find that there was no major damage. Just as I was about to leave the site, my site engineer came rushing and says one of the load men is injured.

Apparently, one of the four load men tripped and fell on some stacked blue metal. He incurred injuries on one side of his face and had to be admitted in the hospital for 8 stitches and finally came out with no major damage.

Just after this was all about to be over, one of the cranes (on their way out) cracked the platform of the opposite house and the owner started yelling like a Jackass. Trust me I was on the verge of explosion. Informed a local cop and called in a few favors and finally handed over the issue to him to handle.

And to top it all off, CSK lose in the SUPER OVER (which hasn’t happened in this season so far) against one of the teams last on the table. SAAAAAAAADDDDDDD !!!!

Ok people, now tell me. Can anyone out there challenge this? If you can, I will pay you whatever u ask for.

But if u can’t, well my bank account details are ready. Lemme know and I will send it over for the transfer !!

PEACE !!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Goa - east meets west !

Yes people, I finally made the all-awaited trip to Goa. But it was probably all the hype I built in my head about Goa that made me think, on actually reaching there, "Hmmm...Not Bad..." Went there with my sis, b-i-l and friends.

Went through Bengaluru and had a weird wait in the airport as I was working even there through Wi-fi... Grrrr... But it was definitely fun thanks to Vijay Mallya. But then, I met Raghu (my childhood pal) and dragged him along to Goa as well...

Landed in Goa and decided one thing. Our Govt does not know how to cash in on assets. Goa is almost like the tourist capital and the airport is a sad excuse for even a shack. All flights converge into that small place and dont even get me started on the baggage claim. "My bag finds me.... Finds me not.... finds me... finds me not..." (literally guys - so many baggages and only 1 belt)

From there, took a taxi ride to Dona Paula (a 40 minute journey) and saw BITS (Restecp... \m/) on the way. Got to the place and stayed at a bungalow (thats my future business plan - build bungalows in Goa and put em out for rent... 5 becomes 10... then 25... then 100 and then WORLD DOMINATION !!!) ahem.... um... where was I...?

Settled down with some Kingfishers and officially started my vacation (cant believe its already over.... Booo Hooo). By the time I was back in my senses, it was dinnertime. Went to Cid... Ceda... Dic... uuuuuggggghhhhhh CIDADE DEGOA...finally ! (Really Guys - thats really the name of the hotel). Had an 'awesome' dinner that was totally (not) worth the penny. Came back walking all the way (Burrrrrrppppppppp.... Oops excuse me !) and settled down with my beers again. Hehehe...

Next morning, me and Raghu rented an avenger (from which we literally squeezed every ounce of petrol... broke down soooo many times...) and went to BITS (freaking 30 kms in a place we dont know the head or tail of). Pretty much like an adventure. Went to drop off a laptop of a friend and boy was I choking on nostalgia. Damn College days - Zombie walk... Crap food... almost LIVING at the Department for Festival prep.... sober weekdays and drunk weekends... Gone are those days... Came back to the room and played Texas Holdem poker... Made a good win and then decided to watch (for the millionth time) Harold & Kumar (whitecastle)... Legend.....Dary !!!

Next morning, went for a ride on the 'Sea Princess'... Dont get too many ideas... It was a cruise...
Dolphin chasing... fishing... (actually caught a Dracula Fish...) Snorkelling... and finally goin crazy on the beach... while 'Bird watchin' (for all those people who think of the wrong definition, I aint responsible for your mistakes')

Got back and heard the news of (Boom Boom) Afridi trying to satisfy his insatiable hunger with the cricket ball. Yes... He tried to eat it...ALIVE !!! Lol... What have the days come to in PCB... They arent taking care of the players enough and so the players start eating cricket kits. Shame on ya guyz... Laughed my arse off till it literally hurt and I fell off the chair...

Caught the early morning (8 30 is early man.... Yaaaawwwnnnnnn) AIR INDIA flight (blessed with the last row seat) and now back at work (as they say... back to square A)...

All in all, a nice time-off from work and a good chance to catch up with friends... Now lemme get back to work and then criticize PCB and the Pak team more... MUAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

P.S. Photos will be up soon !

Friday, December 4, 2009

Visually Impaired !!

Correct me if I am wrong, but I have been seeing all Katrina Kaifs and Priyanka Chopras (droooolll...) in my office. Not to mention the Salman Khans and SRKs….

:) :) :)


Ok Ok. The thing is I have lost my eyes... :( :( :(

Left it in the meeting room in which i was tied to the chair from 9 30 till 3 at a single stretch (Bah ! Can you believe that !!!)
Couldnt wait to get out, and in the halla, lost my pair of eyes.


Now I have had a lot of questions from ppl, of which the most common is

"What happened to your spare set?"
Well, my dear friends, the answer is
"THAT WAS THE SPARE SET !!!!!! Grrrrrr...."

I've had a whole bunch of ppl raising their fingers and asking me "How much is this…… how bout this….?"
I just shrug them off and say, "Oh c'mon guys. Its not that bad. :P"
(Well the first line of this blog says how bad it is. hehehehe)

And yesterday we had another meeting at 19 30 (OMFG !!!), in which i made enuf screw ups (no) thanx to the absence of the first of my 7 senses.
Err…. 6…I mean 5…..no 6 only !!! ok whatever number thats supposed to be.

C'mon guys, not a very big blunder and all.
Just that i couldnt recognize the meeting host (leave alone the subject of the meeting).
Thot it was my just another colleague and was openly verbal about my dislike for the meeting.
And the meeting host turned out to be my DIRECTOR, thats all. (Author waiting for a butt whooping...)

And the best (worst) part is, I drove home without any problems (read : without any idea where i was going) .

Hahahahaha….. I showed Murphy…Didint I?
Ah!!!! So now I get it...That explains why I crossed my office thrice before reaching home.

Well, thats it about now.
(Author thanks his colleague for Typing out the blog according to dictations)
Signing off…..for now.

P.S. After i get my spare set, I can prove to my Director, that it was my evil twin created by aliens and not me. TOTALLY pull it off !!!
Muhahahahahahahaha
(Raghu... thanks for the idea dude... Your a saviour)

Till then……..Adios

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Stochastic Gibberish


I woke up in the morning today and had an epiphany. Ok... not to shout "Eureka !!!" and run around naked. But to run around shouting I did it !! I did it !! (Get ur head outta ur ass and make space for my foot.) Basically, I got down to writing this blog... Hehehehe. And you thought I got a major breakthrough in space science...? Wait a minute... That happened too. But just a small difference - it wasnt me... It was ISRO team. (For all you uninformed anthropophobics - We found large amounts of water on the moon...#Chandrayan)... But yeah.. me or ISRO... Potato... Potaato... all the same. :P Well thanks to #Sunshine for the wake up call. Sadly, my writing skills have been reduced to emails.. wuaaaaaahhhhhhh :(

Being drowned in work aint no easy thing to manage when your a blogger. Wait a minute, or is it the other way around??? Oops.

Thinking of work, I hear the IIT folks went on a hunger strike asking for better pay and treatment.
"However, the Union Government reacted saying that if the IITs claim to be global quality institutions then they should come up with a grand vision to produce Nobel laureates and prove they really are centres of excellence."
Wtf??? The whole world knows that IIT's have been "visionaries" in producing Nobel laureates. If the UG wanted to deny or reject the request, bloody do it with a proper reason and not some grandma reason like pigs flying into space and attacking martians.

Speaking of flying, this is the third or fourth time Air India has had to cancel flights due to Pilots (3) calling in sick. Now its interesting how all 3 of them called in sick at the same time. Goes on to prove AI's inflight service?? LOL. Reminds me of an incident where a flight from chennai scheduled to leave by 19 45 was delayed due to "technical snag" (a term coined for the convenience of the airline jackasses. Even a small switch out of place is called a technical snag and even a... "Oh fk... Mayday !! mayday !! I'm missing a right engine... And I forgot my parachute at the breakfast table...Mayday !! mayday !!" u get the point.) They didnt take off till 22 30 and finally were ready by 22 45. At that time, the pilot comes out of the cockpit with his bag and says, "my shift is over, the other pilot is on his way. Bye" LMFAO.

Still LMAO

And now Obama wants Iran to come clean on nuclear programme.. I am literally falling off my chair. Iran cops have come up with a rule that "No CURVY mannequins are allowed on shop windows". My dear Mr. Obama, they are still in 1892 and u want them to cum clean on Nuclear programme???? Do the math dude...

Enough of current affairs. Now mez gotta go and start picking stuff off my plate. Have soooo much on it right now that I cant even see the bottom of the plate. Boo bloody hell hoo. I aint cribbing n all. Peace !! \m/

But wait I have the India - Pak clash soon. Hell Yeah ! So probably I shall take my plate along and have some paki curry.

Restecp... #Ali-G :P