Visually Impaired !!

Correct me if I am wrong, but I have been seeing all Katrina Kaifs and Priyanka Chopras (droooolll...) in my office. Not to mention the Salman Khans and SRKs….

:) :) :)

Ok Ok. The thing is I have lost my eyes... :( :( :(

Left it in the meeting room in which i was tied to the chair from 9 30 till 3 at a single stretch (Bah ! Can you believe that !!!)
Couldnt wait to get out, and in the halla, lost my pair of eyes.

Now I have had a lot of questions from ppl, of which the most common is

"What happened to your spare set?"
Well, my dear friends, the answer is
"THAT WAS THE SPARE SET !!!!!! Grrrrrr...."

I've had a whole bunch of ppl raising their fingers and asking me "How much is this…… how bout this….?"
I just shrug them off and say, "Oh c'mon guys. Its not that bad. :P"
(Well the first line of this blog says how bad it is. hehehehe)

And yesterday we had another meeting at 19 30 (OMFG !!!), in which i made enuf screw ups (no) thanx to the absence of the first of my 7 senses.
Err…. 6…I mean 5…..no 6 only !!! ok whatever number thats supposed to be.

C'mon guys, not a very big blunder and all.
Just that i couldnt recognize the meeting host (leave alone the subject of the meeting).
Thot it was my just another colleague and was openly verbal about my dislike for the meeting.
And the meeting host turned out to be my DIRECTOR, thats all. (Author waiting for a butt whooping...)

And the best (worst) part is, I drove home without any problems (read : without any idea where i was going) .

Hahahahaha….. I showed Murphy…Didint I?
Ah!!!! So now I get it...That explains why I crossed my office thrice before reaching home.

Well, thats it about now.
(Author thanks his colleague for Typing out the blog according to dictations)
Signing off…..for now.

P.S. After i get my spare set, I can prove to my Director, that it was my evil twin created by aliens and not me. TOTALLY pull it off !!!
Muhahahahahahahaha
(Raghu... thanks for the idea dude... Your a saviour)

Till then……..Adios

Stochastic Gibberish

I woke up in the morning today and had an epiphany. Ok... not to shout "Eureka !!!" and run around naked. But to run around shouting I did it !! I did it !! (Get ur head outta ur ass and make space for my foot.) Basically, I got down to writing this blog... Hehehehe. And you thought I got a major breakthrough in space science...? Wait a minute... That happened too. But just a small difference - it wasnt me... It was ISRO team. (For all you uninformed anthropophobics - We found large amounts of water on the moon...#Chandrayan)... But yeah.. me or ISRO... Potato... Potaato... all the same. :P Well thanks to #Sunshine for the wake up call. Sadly, my writing skills have been reduced to emails.. wuaaaaaahhhhhhh :(

Being drowned in work aint no easy thing to manage when your a blogger. Wait a minute, or is it the other way around??? Oops.

Thinking of work, I hear the IIT folks went on a hunger strike asking for better pay and treatment.

"However, the Union Government reacted saying that if the IITs claim to be global quality institutions then they should come up with a grand vision to produce Nobel laureates and prove they really are centres of excellence."

Wtf??? The whole world knows that IIT's have been "visionaries" in producing Nobel laureates. If the UG wanted to deny or reject the request, bloody do it with a proper reason and not some grandma reason like pigs flying into space and attacking martians.

Speaking of flying, this is the third or fourth time Air India has had to cancel flights due to Pilots (3) calling in sick. Now its interesting how all 3 of them called in sick at the same time. Goes on to prove AI's inflight service?? LOL. Reminds me of an incident where a flight from chennai scheduled to leave by 19 45 was delayed due to "technical snag" (a term coined for the convenience of the airline jackasses. Even a small switch out of place is called a technical snag and even a... "Oh fk... Mayday !! mayday !! I'm missing a right engine... And I forgot my parachute at the breakfast table...Mayday !! mayday !!" u get the point.) They didnt take off till 22 30 and finally were ready by 22 45. At that time, the pilot comes out of the cockpit with his bag and says, "my shift is over, the other pilot is on his way. Bye" LMFAO.

Still LMAO

And now Obama wants Iran to come clean on nuclear programme.. I am literally falling off my chair. Iran cops have come up with a rule that "No CURVY mannequins are allowed on shop windows". My dear Mr. Obama, they are still in 1892 and u want them to cum clean on Nuclear programme???? Do the math dude...

Enough of current affairs. Now mez gotta go and start picking stuff off my plate. Have soooo much on it right now that I cant even see the bottom of the plate. Boo bloody hell hoo. I aint cribbing n all. Peace !! \m/

But wait I have the India - Pak clash soon. Hell Yeah ! So probably I shall take my plate along and have some paki curry.

Restecp... #Ali-G :P

Sad but True !!!

OK. So I know it has been a long time ('long' being an understatement) since I visited this place. Thanks to the amount of work and lack of jobless time. Still, no excuse for not venting my feelings out on millions of people who basically dont give a tiny rat's arse becuz of a million other reasons, half of which I'm guilty of myself. Confused ? Too bad !

Ok now for the Disclaimer, so that no one sues my hiney for saying the truth.
The comments made in this article are the sole opinion of yours truly and not a generalized motive. Reader should understand that this is not a reference to the general public but specific set of the crowd. People are advised to stop reading if found offensive (DUH !!). Article penned by expert (lmfao??). Please do not immitate in private or public (unless you wanna be crucified).

The definition of WORK DONE is
"Work is the amount of energy transferred by a force acting through a distance"
or in simple terms
W=F*D
(This is not an article about some physics theorem. Only references are made !)

But what if either of the energy or the force is negative. By negative energy, I mean working against the cause involuntarily (and not the generic negative aura stuff.... oooooooommmmmm....LOL) or in the case of negative force - a person who is a bad influence on others so that the work is affected. This is what is happening in India today and this is the gist of the blog.

32% of Doctors in US are Indians
28% of Engineers in US are Indians
41% of professionals in UK and Australia are Indians
The list just goes on... But for what?

I know the face curls into a frown as to why I'm betraying my county by bad-mouthing it myself. I am as much patriotic as any other. Sometimes even an eccentric. But its true that India-ns (by which I mean Indians in India), being one of the smartest race in general, are putting themselves and their nation's pride to shame. I dont make empty accusations. I have experienced this fact all over the country and when you compare it with similar situations invloving non-Indians, your head hangs. Here's a few examples - .

I have seen in India that drivers (even those who are decently educated), prefer to sleep at every second they get instead of doing something productive. On the other hand, I have had an experience of a philipino driver (who has only done his basic primary school) who prefers to read in his free time - right from newspapers to novels!!

In the so called 'corporate offices' (no offence to the hard working crowd but its the others who invite the sarcasm and its those germs i'm referring to), the junta has a very 'dont care' attitude towards their work and tend to make a mockery of the whole oganisation. A very irritating habit is the carelessness and laundering of property. There is a saying in Hindi "Tera baap ka maal hai kya?". Its clearly not, so they have no issues in mishandling the company's properties, voluntarily or otherwise. Its the attitude of "It aint mine, so why should I care".

You cannot give the whole responsibility of a job to someone without having to micromanage and follow up continuously. They basically become vegetables who do just what they are told and nothing more. Why does the country need vegetables..? We might as well import robots and program them.

All these issues may seem very trivial and worthless. But put together they make up the scary true story of our country.

The world is filled with Indians, doing a fantastic job. But its sad that the situation is such in our own country. We can blame it on a whole set of reasons ranging from bad politic(ian)s down to the overrated 'call centre culture'. But unless the people realize this and do something about it, no blog, no campaign, no tv ad can ever do anything about it...!

As mentioned in the beginning, this post is just my opinion thru practical experiences. All readers are welcome to agree and more than welcome to disagree...!

Of Pig Hineys, cricket droppings and bday bashes...

Finally, back from the all hailed US trip... Apart from the work part (which was like 4 days), it was just lazin around, gambling, eating, drinking, more gambling, more eating and ofcourse PMS-ing about how i missed Desi food with a bloody burger and tacos on my plate. I still dont understand how people can LIVE on Fast food. Disgusting !!! I can understand how phhirangi's can do it... cuz they were born dumb... but what I dont get is the so called ABCDs who really think its a ishtyle and kool to do it. Putting the food part aside.... coming to the Gambling. waah... what an invention... A simple and fast way to blow all ur hard earned money to the casino owners in quicker time than u can say "holy cow, thats my money"... A place where u can actually live the "Apna sapna money money" saying. They let u win big and in a jiffy make u feel like slitting ur throat and setting ur self on fire at the same time for not walking out when u won. Goes more to say abt MAN.... What a greedy pig....

Ah.. talkin abt pigs... The H1N1 (read : Hiney...lol) flu or more known as Swine flu. So to say I was very close to the origin of the swine ass flu - latino land. Naaa but dont rejoice... I didnt succumb to it.... yet. Still cant forget what a tantrum these guys throw when you happen to travel during the pandemic.... with all thermal sensors, masks and what not. Freaks a guy out all the more. The masks make u wanna sneeze and hell be brought upon you if u do. Its like wanting to take a piss and your not able to cuz of ppl watching... and what more... a guy comes up to u and starts tickling u.... AAAAACCCCCHHHHOOOOOOO !!! ahhhh that feels better !!!

After gettin back to India, its been pretty much work work and more work for a few days... till yesterday which happened to be the day heaven and hell froze over and all chaos broke loose 24 years back. My Birthday.... Pretty normal day... work trying to creep into my schedule (of a nice day lazing around and doing nothing) and me trying to squeeze it out. Had a killer lunch (the food wasnt the killer, but it was the bill)... Had to succumb to work pressure finally... and late evening my sis wants to take me out for desert (thats what they call booz these days.... aahhh kids...). Got back home for dinner and things were gettin very weird with my folks. They were all acting like they had something in the house that was just abt to explode...Later on I found out that it was my face.... Grrrrr.... My folks had planned a surprise party callin all my ex-colleagues and college friends (more like fiends...) and I my expression was caught on camers.... Naaaa... no way i'm puttin that up in here... Had an amazin dinner with the guys.

And then finally sat down all tired to watch the IPL match - CSK vs KXIP... an amazing piece of entertainment... Dont know what was going thru Dhoni's mind when he sent Badri down opening with Matty. You just had a good opening pair experience with M Vijay in the previous match. No good reason to change it unless Vijay pissed Dhoni off by hitting on Deepika Padukone... Wait a minute... thats already done by Yuvi... And the KXIP fans missed Harbhajan a lot... Not to bowl or anything, but to slap Sreesanth for the kinda bowling he had to offer and that too to a player like Matty... grow up... mallu power... And as for the CSK bowling and fielding.... Someone please smear power glue on the fielder's hands... cuz like their brains.... nothing stays in... Gony can kiss his dreams of Team India goodbye... cuz he just let them right thru his hands and over the boundary line... But I have to mention Raina - the bowler. Everyone's givin the credit to Dhoni for the decision but I say thats just half the well crossed. Raina pulled off an amazing 2 overs and literally saved CSK the embarassment of losing the match inspite of scoring so well. And yes L balaji deserves a mention as well... for his "I run faster than my bowling" stunts in the last over... Ahhhh all in all a good match and an even better Bday...

And now back to work work work... Ofcourse the weekends gonna be kickass with the new Nintendo Wii I got... Muahahahahaha... Ok enuf of evil laugh... Adios...

NOSTALGIA..... Well atleast they try !!!

Was just goin thru some blogs and photos that reminded me of good ol school n college days. The crappy food, roadside dhaba, birthday bashes, placements and ofcourse hostels. Somehow like a ROLLING STONE, the TRAIN OF THOUGHT led to a certain set of INSURED FACE VALUEs. So I just thought why not pen down MY EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH. Heck some of them are bery bery MIND BLOGGING !!!

These are the few golden words of some of the mahaans in my life in school and college.

1. The Environmentalist

Pretty hot day……Just finished a physics test…..Penguin had to set an IIT paper na?….. Another mass flunk……Whats with the bleddy AC…..Nothing seems to work in this plce….. Leave alone my mind….. (Supervisor / Math teacher walks in)….. Oh no….. Not him…pls….Now what does Manglu want?….holy cow….. maths assignment……everyone sighing….. "Sir, its way to hot to carry on with class"…. not that its gonna make a difference to him……yeckkkhhhh……!~&$%*!&……..And suddenly we hear the most "enlightening" words…..

"Open the window, let the environment come in !!"

(Whoa….Pretty small environment we have there !) The guys in class are just flabbergasted and seriously have no idea what to do next. Especially comin from the supervisor, hell…guys already frustrated due to the excrutiating heat…… But all i could say is ROFLMAO !!!

2. Mathematician

Hmmm…. another math class….. Atleast did my assignment yday…… what a scare that was…..oh damn it….Have to sit in first bench !!! Yuck !!!….Oh my god…. here he goes again….that too right in front of me…..Oye yaaaaarrr….. iska kuch kar naa…… bohot chaat raha hai…….

Mr. Math : Ye Scare plus thoo Bee Scare - thoo yum see yecks scare……. (Read : a square + 2 b square - 2 m c x square…)

Ok…… Thats the last straw...... Fortunately, I have a trusted compadre to help me out.

Mr. G (Wiping his face) : Sir, say it dont spray it…..

Mr. Math : Shaath aap…. Do u know the answer or not. Ye Scare plus thoo Bee Scare - thoo yum see yecks scare…….

Yours truly : Sir, pls dont scare them so much…. Bhaag jaayenge…..

Mr. Math : Both of you three, come here ! (huh ?????? WTF ?????)

(There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who cant…)

3. The 'Mark'sman

arrey…. aaj kya lag rahi hai ….. hmmmmm………(going into a dream)……broken by the shouting of statistician…..

Statistician : What have you done in your notebook ?

Yours truly : (bah….. you dont know what you've done all ur life and ur askin me???) Er…..um…..

Statistician : (Turns to the class) Steps No marks…..No steps No marks…… !!!

Me : (Literally dying with laughter….. Rolling on the floor….…..) "Somebody pls shoot me….. I cant take it any more……"

(Apparently he meant…. that the steps dont carry separate marks but if you dont write the steps, you wont get any marks….OMFG)

And the list goes on and on and on……
- Pls dont rotate the Lab (Pls dont wander in the lab…)

- Now, go in front and follow me !!!! ( :( )

- BioGas is get from Cow Diesel….! (Biogas is obtained from cow dung ) ( Wait till Blue cross hears this !!!)

- I talc, you talc, then HOD pass away, he hear who talc ???? (If I'm talking, and you're also talkin, what'll the HOD think when he PASSES BY) (May the HOD's soul rest in peace !)

May the Lord Almighty save the future generations…..AMEN !!!

Random Tag

Mishu has tagged me for the Random tag thread to put up 25 random facts abt moi. Yeah right !

Ok the rules are :
- Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.
- At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.
Well... Here Goes...

1. I have a slight OCD (for those who dont know what this is...look it up. Enuf damage gonna be done anyways. I aint gonna inflict further damage to myself by explaining what it is). Mish is gonna run me over for this cuz I keep tellin her that she's got it.

2. I cannot hide anything from 1 person - my sister. Anyone else, I can take their secrets to the grave. but when it comes to my matters, she will come to know sometime or the other. 99.99 % of the time, its me blurting it out.

3. I hate chocolate and ice cream. Many call me wierd for it but yeah I do.

4. I have a selective photographic memory. (whatever I choose to register in my head stays that there). Supposed to be a good thing but most of the time leads to negative consequences.

5. I dont take anything too seriously in life except for 2 things - my family and my friends. I take them to be my priority.

6. I hate to put on faces for others and hate ppl who do so too. Love just to be me and dont care of the consequences. (Have faced a lotta crap due to this)

7. I think its a crime to say no to beer or whisky (no other form of alcohol...lol)

8. I'm a sucker for cricket. Anytime, anywhere, anyday, I can watch, play and talk abt cricket.

9. I eat to live - not the other way around. (Hard to believe but yeah its true)

10. I love slow songs when i'm high. But when sober, its a different story altogether.

11. I seldom get "crazy" angry, but when I do - I seem to tip over the edge. Ppl close to me know of the actions and reactions. (Something to do with #4)

12. I'm an insomniac. Hardly sleep. Can wake up early in the morning after a long night, if necessary.

13. When someone confides in me, I like to go out of my way to comfort and help them. However difficult to reach, I will always give it a shot.

14. I'm more of an introvert (atleast for the past few years). Like to hold things to myself.

15. I'm sort of a time freak. Being punctual and all. Worst part is I expect others around me to be. (I know thats bad)

16. I am a workaholic (Probably the genes). When i'm not working, I have to be doing something or the other that keeps me busy. Being idle drives me nuts.

17. I'm always game to try new stuff (like bungee jumping, sky diving n stuff - yet to do em though :( ).

18. I'm tooo practical and straight forward (mostly the cause of problems). Not the dreamy-land, fairies, cupid believing type.

19. I dont believe in luck at all... Good or Bad, its of my doing. Believe in karma.

20. I'm an ardent believer of the cliche - "Rules are meant to be broken". Have done sooo many crazy things and got into trouble for em.

21. I can make friends easily but am very very careful committing towards a relationship.

22. I get highly irritated when someone doesnt keep up the trust that I have on them.

23. I love kids and dogs. (Separately of course) I can get along with them within a max. 10 mins.

24. When I get into trouble, I can never lie. Its easy to call my bluff.

25. I just hate window shopping. Call me chauvinistic, but I think its meant only for the ladies. Guys can accompany them while shopping but I cant take them getting so involved that U cant say which is which.

There u go, one hell of a time. I had to wrench and squeeze my brain to get this done.
And sorry but I aint gonna tag anyone NOW...probably later (refer to # 20).

Now I tag someone...
Pradeep

Murphy-ed....!

A friend of mine once had a date with the big man and guess didn’t like him too much. She dumped him. Now, he’s so upset that he’s hit the roads with a Romanov in his hand and catches hold of every Tom, Dick and Harry he can lay his eyes on to torcher them to set him up with her again on a second chance.

Unfortunately, I happen to play the roll of Tom.

Today, I was not sure whether it was the Zulus doing the mamba wamba rain dance or the big man just lettin out his frustrations, But it was one ‘hell’ of a rain with all the wrath showing as lightning and thunder. Starting at 1 00 am, he cried, cried and cried. Somehow the cries (rain) stopped at 6 am.

Left the house on my bike thinking about the wet roads. I didnt know i was in for some sick games. Roads are unusually empty and everything seemingly normal. I dont want to take risks (pretty unusual of me) and so keep a constant speed of 35 (Thanks to digital metres). Now comes the ‘twists and turns’. I see a red santro in front of me slowing down to a stop towards the left at a decent distance away. I say “ah, what the heck” and continue my drive.

Suddenly, the red santro swerves to the right from all the way left to take a ‘U-Turn’ and i’m the scapegoat. Hit the rear brakes (literally standing on it to be more precise) and the bike starts skidding sideways. Experience has taught me never to hit the front brakes abrubtly unless i wanted a "Hallowed be thy head" (effect of Iron Maiden 24-7...Sorry). So ya, thankfully my (so called) instincts pop up from nowhere and I hit the front brakes after the vehicle slowed down a bit.

There was a small ‘Romantic’ moment between my bike’s front tire and the santro’s door, which was blatantly cut short with my banging on the driver’s window. Window rolls down to show the face of a woman in her 40s murmuring blah blah blah. (STFU womannnnn) I shout ‘What the **** is wrong with you? What are the bloody indicators for?’ The woman has the guts to say, ‘I THOUGHT i had switched on the LEFT indicator’. Pls note this point your honour. First of all she ‘thought’ she had done it and next she says “left” indicator when she swerved to the right. Grrrr....

These kind of bird brains who call themselves drivers shouldn’t be allowed on the roads. Anyways, we parted with swearing words and went our own ways. Since after the incident, Murphy has had some mercy on me and not fiddled with my day….SO FAR. Cant be stuck inside the house so well i'm off again. Lets c what the big man has in store.... Bring It On !!!

The Good Son

So this being my first blog after hibernation for god knows how long....
I thought a small introduction would be apt...

A sample of how 'good' I am since the good ol days. I have played many a role in childhood. Just a few of 'em that stuck in my memory….

Role : Climber
Age : 5
Venue : Home sweet home, 1st floor balcony


Author looks around in suspicion.
Mom - packing dad's lunch…Check
Dad - Gettin ready for work…Check
Sis - Sleeping like a baby…Check
Coast is clear….


Make a dash for it !!
Have to know whats behind that balcony door….


Ah…!! What a b-e-a-utiful view !!
How dare they deprieve me of this…??? Hmpf...


Ooohh whats this… (the thrill of looking over the balcony railings)...
Whoops….(Author slips and falls…hangs on to the railing)


Now if I scream, (trust me - I really really want to) I'm gonna get my arse kicked by my dad… Hmmmm….Lemme wait this one out. (Waits for a signal…)


On hearing the sweet sound of my dad's bike vrroom out the gate,I scream, Moooooommmmmmyyyyy….. Helllllppppppp !!! Now my mom knows I'm missing and something is wrong but poor thing doesnt know where the sound was coming from.
Finally, after constant screams, she found me !!!Yay….

Even though I got the proper 'treatment', I still hold pride for my presence of mind on saving my behind.

Role : Bullfighter
Age : 6
Venue : Just outside the apartments

Mom and dad have gone to office…Sister playing with her friends…I'm bored…
hmmmm - a cow… (Bulb lights up above my head)

I Walk up to the HUGE (hey, it was huge….atleast compared to my size) beast…
And start playing race car with its half grown horns….
Durrrrr…..Honk… Honk…And Bam !!! An accident…

The Beast is out of control….The Raging Bullfighter is thrown a few feet away into a storage bin (thats what i prefer to call it.... NOT a dustbin)…

And Behold !!! The fighter walks without a scratch. (Author thinking "Haha..silly fellows..if only they could read my mind..ouch !!)
Thats why, till date I keep my distance from the 'supposedly' calm beasts.
(hmpf…cant even let a little kid play race on their horns….And people call them calm..Che )


Role : Hitchiker
Age : 6
Venue : Outside Kumar Uncle's House…Near his scooter

Kumar Uncle is just about to leave for office in a hurry cuz he's running late.
Gets onto the scooter and starts kicking again and again and again…(Hey, its after all Hamaraa bajaj….. Hamaraa Bajaj )
Anyways, A free ride is worth anything…So I get onto the backseat of the scooter and wait impatiently.
Finally, after a few more huff and puffs, he kickstarts my free ride.
After about 10 mins I get bored of the ride and the feeling that I was straying away too far from home was engulfing me.
So i calmly just tap uncle on his shoulder and say :
"Uncle, enough of taking me around. Can you please drop me back at home cuz amma will be looking for me now."

Imagine the look on his face…He jumps up and looks around frantically.
Me, being the 'good' son, calm him :
"Uncle, dont worry its me only. Madan. I got on when you were about to leave. Now take me back home."
The vehicle comes to a screeching halt with the other roadsters shouting and waving their fists at me.
Kumar uncle gets down from the vehicle and his face was really red for some reason.
Till today I couldnt figure out whether it was because of the scare I gave or the rage.
But anyways, it was red.
Finally he dropped me back home hissing and cussing.
I think he bunked office that day…(wait a minute, it was the whole week.... oops..)
I think his Blood Pressure went off the roof….


Well there you go…
Just a few incidents to prove how innocent and good I have been.
Right from childhood….
Till date…. I swear....
Just that my "deeds" have grown along and are now at a different level.... hehe...
Adios…. Ciao... Bye...