Ramblings

PLUS

2011-08-02T12:59:00.003+08:00

Hey guys.

I know I know. Don't even start. My hibernation has extended for long enuf. Now to get down and dirty. Well I cant be blamed for my abstinence you see.

The whole work scene, the travelling, yours truly getting the knot (tsk tsk - for those who didnt come for the wedding, u better run to Timbaktu, cuz I'm comin to get you.

And for those who didn't get the invitation - well, I'm off to an anonymous place, on very important NATIONAL DUTY, which does NOT offer cell phone or email reception....),

and a lot more stuff !

We, the mankind of planet Earth - meaning us, always look for something extra in whatever we do. Never content with what we have...

We go to a restaurant - "Can I get some extra fries on the side please". Or in the case of us Indians, "Can I get an extra cup of sambhar please". (Drooling for mom's sambhar...)

We (by we, I mean the ladies) go to a beauty parlour - "can I get some extra massage time" or probably "can I get a free mani/pedi with that package?"

We go to the office, we tell our subordinates, "Can you stay back and finish that report. Its gotta go in tomorrow morning."

We go to a shopping mal, "Boss, can you throw in an extra pair of earrings with that necklace?"

Extra - Extra - Extra

Well, I think the word was coined precisely to perfection. From the word EXTRA-CT. We always try to extract more than what we need / deserve / want.

Plus - Plus - Plus (from the word SUR-PLUS)

Now, this word has taken a lot of wrong turns into meaning something totally different than what it used to be.

Say it once, its a social network. We cant be satisfied with one of em and so we ask for the plus. #+1

Say it twice - you have a social disaster. Let me explain.

In a far, far away land (now, even though I am this close to that place, it seems far off. I think Sunshine (I have been out for so long, I forgot how to tag a blogger in the post... Sniff... Sniff... Sob... Sob...) can vouch for that - OK DONT KILL ME PLEASE), known as lala land (for obnoxiously obvious reasons), there was a young man who was over-worked and needed a little time off. So he went to a "MASSAGE" parlor for a regular, body soothing, relaxing MASSAGE, to say the least. All goes well, but the man is suspicious about why the MASSAGE parlor needs an agent (or so he preferred to call himself), standing outside and calling out (lets say MARKETING) the place. It has a huge Billboard for god's sake!!! Anyways, once he went in, he was at the counter trying to select the right kind of MASSAGE, (receiving weird stares from the masseuse').

Thus goes the conversation :

Receptionist : Good Evening sir. How are you today?

Young Man : Hi. I'm fine. How bout you?

Receptionist : What kind of MASSAGE can we offer you today?

Young Man : A body massage please.

Receptionist : Very well. Will that be a FULL BODY MASSAGE?

Young Man (scratching his head and thinking if there is a HALF BODY MASSAGE) : Ummm... yeah... I guess.

Receptionist : Ok sir. And duration? Would it be 2 hours or 3 hours?

Young Man (Hmmm...Why the hell would a body Massage take that long???) : Whichever one.

Receptionist : So I can put you down for a MASAGGE ++ (Read : Massage Plus Plus)

Young Man (being a part of mankind and always wanting some extra TIME (Get ur head out of ur ass)) : Yeas sure... whatever.

Receptionist : Oh Very well. What race would you prefer?

Young Man : !@#$% (WTF???) aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!! #Facepalm

Thats when it hit the young man what PLUS PLUS actually meant. Well for the record, thats when the young man knew he could run so fast in his life.

It was a miracle !! His feet were taking him 'EXTRA' fast - thankfully.

So, folks - next time you wish for an EXTRA / PLUS, be careful. You might just get what you wished for !!!

Peace.

P.S. It wouldn't have taken Einstein or the CSI to figure out that who the YOUNG MAN was.

'CULT'ure..

2010-09-13T14:57:00.003+08:00

Ok Peeps. I am finally back on the forum...!!

Past two months have been craaazzzyyyyyyy hectic with a lot "life-changing" knots.

Tsk...Tsk...

Finally got the time to actually sit down and pen some random gibberish. :P

Recently me and some of my folks got into the discussion of the whole culture, upbringing and modernization thing. I know, its a very used and reused topic been discussed a million times in each and every household.

Today, what we deem as the whole western versus eastern (asian) culture is actually the ideas and perspective of a handful of men. When man became man (as in from tree hopping monkey to what we all are today), who would have decided whether it was right or wrong to wear clothes, to kill another being, to steal or do anything for that matter. It was the perspective of a handful of people that we follow as culture today. Where I may find amusement, another being may find pain and abuse. And the same is true vice versa.

So people actually fight and argue about culture shaping them and so son but the whole thing is they are just blindly following what a CULT of people decided zillion years ago. So I'm not saying that everyone has to act according to what they think is right or wrong and not give a damn about what others thing and feel. But it has been engraved in us so much that what we think is right or wrong is influenced by that culture.

I may think that an issue, like smoking for example, is wrong but that is influenced by the way I was brought up by my parents, who taught me these ideas of CULTURE. So, at the end of the day, all I can say is being cultured is nothing but making sure you know how to balance between what you think and what would be the consequences of that thought on others who matter. If that balance is maintained... well your a well mannered, cultured person. If it aint, you're just a yahoo / hooligan.

Well, Parents. Dont complain that your kids are not listening to you and that they are going wayward in life or that this whole generation is just messed up...

Little red riding hood didn't listen to her mother..

Jasmine was in a live- in relationship wid Alladin..

Snow White lived alone wid 7 dwarfs...

Pinnochio was a liar...

RobinHood was a thief.

Tarzan walked without clothes on..

A stranger kissed sleeping beauty n she married him.

Cindrella lied, sneaking out at nite to attend a party.

The little mermaid, well dont even ask, she was wooing some other species.

So there you go parents. These are the stories you raised us with and now there is no point complaining !!!

Hahahahaha. PEACE !

SCREWED !!

2010-03-23T18:38:00.003+08:00

ITS OFFICIAL !

I challenge ANYONE out there (YES it’s an official CHALLENGE) that they couldn’t have had more bad luck in one day than what I had on Sunday (except for you Roy C. Sullivan – US park ranger from Virginia. Well he has to be the man with the worst “Strike” of bad luck. He was struck by lightning 7 times in his lifetime, excluding the time lightning struck his tombstone. Amen).

Well this is how it started. We had some machines that were to be shifted to the site from the warehouse (Warehouse – 13 ?????) which took a god forsaken 15 hours and then was transported to the site (which took another 2 hours). This is where it ALL began.

We had 11 trucks, each carrying an average of about 9-10 tons of machinery. You do the math. I always slept thru math class (Jalaj… Mangla… Sinha…zzzzzzzzzz…).

I successfully moved 9 trucks and placed the machinery in their respective places. Now comes the dreaded 10^th truck. We had lifted a crane (Yes ppl, we actually lifted a 12-ton crane… It was an awesome sight !) with the help of 2 other cranes and placed it inside the site to ease the movement of machines.

While emptying the tenth truck, my fate decides to play mind games and I had to go to my car to get something. (It was as if fate had a hand in it and made me disappear from the scene at that exact moment.) I return to find… CRASH…!!! One of the machines (12 tons) is lying sideways on the ground.

YES IT WAS FKIN DROPPED FROM A HEIGHT OF 8 FEET !!!! The bloody crane operators didn’t use proper equipment and the metal rope snapped. AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH.

Now the first question a lotta ppl asked me was “how much was the machine worth?”. Well, lets just say I have to win Amitabh Bachan’s long lost tv show TWICE to cover the cost. GRRRRRRRR…!!! I was literally sufferin from shock (seen ppl “go into shock” on tv shows but this is the first time I bloody felt it). After recovering (which was apparently a surprising hour), I rushed back to office to check up on the machines insurance paperwork and that’s when I got the next call.

They were supposed to lift the 3^rd crane off the site and pack for the day. When they were lifting it, they dropped the crane and almost killed 3 people (thankfully no one was hurt). So I had to rush back to site and was relieved to find that there was no major damage. Just as I was about to leave the site, my site engineer came rushing and says one of the load men is injured.

Apparently, one of the four load men tripped and fell on some stacked blue metal. He incurred injuries on one side of his face and had to be admitted in the hospital for 8 stitches and finally came out with no major damage.

Just after this was all about to be over, one of the cranes (on their way out) cracked the platform of the opposite house and the owner started yelling like a Jackass. Trust me I was on the verge of explosion. Informed a local cop and called in a few favors and finally handed over the issue to him to handle.

And to top it all off, CSK lose in the SUPER OVER (which hasn’t happened in this season so far) against one of the teams last on the table. SAAAAAAAADDDDDDD !!!!

Ok people, now tell me. Can anyone out there challenge this? If you can, I will pay you whatever u ask for.

But if u can’t, well my bank account details are ready. Lemme know and I will send it over for the transfer !!

PEACE !!

Goa - east meets west !

2010-02-02T17:53:00.003+08:00

Yes people, I finally made the all-awaited trip to Goa. But it was probably all the hype I built in my head about Goa that made me think, on actually reaching there, "Hmmm...Not Bad..." Went there with my sis, b-i-l and friends.

Went through Bengaluru and had a weird wait in the airport as I was working even there through Wi-fi... Grrrr... But it was definitely fun thanks to Vijay Mallya. But then, I met Raghu (my childhood pal) and dragged him along to Goa as well...

Landed in Goa and decided one thing. Our Govt does not know how to cash in on assets. Goa is almost like the tourist capital and the airport is a sad excuse for even a shack. All flights converge into that small place and dont even get me started on the baggage claim. "My bag finds me.... Finds me not.... finds me... finds me not..." (literally guys - so many baggages and only 1 belt)

From there, took a taxi ride to Dona Paula (a 40 minute journey) and saw BITS (Restecp... \m/) on the way. Got to the place and stayed at a bungalow (thats my future business plan - build bungalows in Goa and put em out for rent... 5 becomes 10... then 25... then 100 and then WORLD DOMINATION !!!) ahem.... um... where was I...?

Settled down with some Kingfishers and officially started my vacation (cant believe its already over.... Booo Hooo). By the time I was back in my senses, it was dinnertime. Went to Cid... Ceda... Dic... uuuuuggggghhhhhh CIDADE DEGOA...finally ! (Really Guys - thats really the name of the hotel). Had an 'awesome' dinner that was totally (not) worth the penny. Came back walking all the way (Burrrrrrppppppppp.... Oops excuse me !) and settled down with my beers again. Hehehe...

Next morning, me and Raghu rented an avenger (from which we literally squeezed every ounce of petrol... broke down soooo many times...) and went to BITS (freaking 30 kms in a place we dont know the head or tail of). Pretty much like an adventure. Went to drop off a laptop of a friend and boy was I choking on nostalgia. Damn College days - Zombie walk... Crap food... almost LIVING at the Department for Festival prep.... sober weekdays and drunk weekends... Gone are those days... Came back to the room and played Texas Holdem poker... Made a good win and then decided to watch (for the millionth time) Harold & Kumar (whitecastle)... Legend.....Dary !!!

Next morning, went for a ride on the 'Sea Princess'... Dont get too many ideas... It was a cruise...

Dolphin chasing... fishing... (actually caught a Dracula Fish...) Snorkelling... and finally goin crazy on the beach... while 'Bird watchin' (for all those people who think of the wrong definition, I aint responsible for your mistakes')

Got back and heard the news of (Boom Boom) Afridi trying to satisfy his insatiable hunger with the cricket ball. Yes... He tried to eat it...ALIVE !!! Lol... What have the days come to in PCB... They arent taking care of the players enough and so the players start eating cricket kits. Shame on ya guyz... Laughed my arse off till it literally hurt and I fell off the chair...

Caught the early morning (8 30 is early man.... Yaaaawwwnnnnnn) AIR INDIA flight (blessed with the last row seat) and now back at work (as they say... back to square A)...

All in all, a nice time-off from work and a good chance to catch up with friends... Now lemme get back to work and then criticize PCB and the Pak team more... MUAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

P.S. Photos will be up soon !

Visually Impaired !!

2009-12-04T15:20:00.002+08:00

Correct me if I am wrong, but I have been seeing all Katrina Kaifs and Priyanka Chopras (droooolll...) in my office. Not to mention the Salman Khans and SRKs….

:) :) :)

Ok Ok. The thing is I have lost my eyes... :( :( :(

Left it in the meeting room in which i was tied to the chair from 9 30 till 3 at a single stretch (Bah ! Can you believe that !!!)
Couldnt wait to get out, and in the halla, lost my pair of eyes.

Now I have had a lot of questions from ppl, of which the most common is

"What happened to your spare set?"
Well, my dear friends, the answer is
"THAT WAS THE SPARE SET !!!!!! Grrrrrr...."

I've had a whole bunch of ppl raising their fingers and asking me "How much is this…… how bout this….?"
I just shrug them off and say, "Oh c'mon guys. Its not that bad. :P"
(Well the first line of this blog says how bad it is. hehehehe)

And yesterday we had another meeting at 19 30 (OMFG !!!), in which i made enuf screw ups (no) thanx to the absence of the first of my 7 senses.
Err…. 6…I mean 5…..no 6 only !!! ok whatever number thats supposed to be.

C'mon guys, not a very big blunder and all.
Just that i couldnt recognize the meeting host (leave alone the subject of the meeting).
Thot it was my just another colleague and was openly verbal about my dislike for the meeting.
And the meeting host turned out to be my DIRECTOR, thats all. (Author waiting for a butt whooping...)

And the best (worst) part is, I drove home without any problems (read : without any idea where i was going) .

Hahahahaha….. I showed Murphy…Didint I?
Ah!!!! So now I get it...That explains why I crossed my office thrice before reaching home.

Well, thats it about now.
(Author thanks his colleague for Typing out the blog according to dictations)
Signing off…..for now.

P.S. After i get my spare set, I can prove to my Director, that it was my evil twin created by aliens and not me. TOTALLY pull it off !!!
Muhahahahahahahaha
(Raghu... thanks for the idea dude... Your a saviour)

Till then……..Adios

Stochastic Gibberish

2009-09-26T20:18:00.007+08:00

I woke up in the morning today and had an epiphany. Ok... not to shout "Eureka !!!" and run around naked. But to run around shouting I did it !! I did it !! (Get ur head outta ur ass and make space for my foot.) Basically, I got down to writing this blog... Hehehehe. And you thought I got a major breakthrough in space science...? Wait a minute... That happened too. But just a small difference - it wasnt me... It was ISRO team. (For all you uninformed anthropophobics - We found large amounts of water on the moon...#Chandrayan)... But yeah.. me or ISRO... Potato... Potaato... all the same. :P Well thanks to #Sunshine for the wake up call. Sadly, my writing skills have been reduced to emails.. wuaaaaaahhhhhhh :(

Being drowned in work aint no easy thing to manage when your a blogger. Wait a minute, or is it the other way around??? Oops.

Thinking of work, I hear the IIT folks went on a hunger strike asking for better pay and treatment.

"However, the Union Government reacted saying that if the IITs claim to be global quality institutions then they should come up with a grand vision to produce Nobel laureates and prove they really are centres of excellence."

Wtf??? The whole world knows that IIT's have been "visionaries" in producing Nobel laureates. If the UG wanted to deny or reject the request, bloody do it with a proper reason and not some grandma reason like pigs flying into space and attacking martians.

Speaking of flying, this is the third or fourth time Air India has had to cancel flights due to Pilots (3) calling in sick. Now its interesting how all 3 of them called in sick at the same time. Goes on to prove AI's inflight service?? LOL. Reminds me of an incident where a flight from chennai scheduled to leave by 19 45 was delayed due to "technical snag" (a term coined for the convenience of the airline jackasses. Even a small switch out of place is called a technical snag and even a... "Oh fk... Mayday !! mayday !! I'm missing a right engine... And I forgot my parachute at the breakfast table...Mayday !! mayday !!" u get the point.) They didnt take off till 22 30 and finally were ready by 22 45. At that time, the pilot comes out of the cockpit with his bag and says, "my shift is over, the other pilot is on his way. Bye" LMFAO.

Still LMAO

And now Obama wants Iran to come clean on nuclear programme.. I am literally falling off my chair. Iran cops have come up with a rule that "No CURVY mannequins are allowed on shop windows". My dear Mr. Obama, they are still in 1892 and u want them to cum clean on Nuclear programme???? Do the math dude...

Enough of current affairs. Now mez gotta go and start picking stuff off my plate. Have soooo much on it right now that I cant even see the bottom of the plate. Boo bloody hell hoo. I aint cribbing n all. Peace !! \m/

But wait I have the India - Pak clash soon. Hell Yeah ! So probably I shall take my plate along and have some paki curry.

Restecp... #Ali-G :P

Sad but True !!!

2009-07-09T15:04:00.004+08:00

OK. So I know it has been a long time ('long' being an understatement) since I visited this place. Thanks to the amount of work and lack of jobless time. Still, no excuse for not venting my feelings out on millions of people who basically dont give a tiny rat's arse becuz of a million other reasons, half of which I'm guilty of myself. Confused ? Too bad !

Ok now for the Disclaimer, so that no one sues my hiney for saying the truth.
The comments made in this article are the sole opinion of yours truly and not a generalized motive. Reader should understand that this is not a reference to the general public but specific set of the crowd. People are advised to stop reading if found offensive (DUH !!). Article penned by expert (lmfao??). Please do not immitate in private or public (unless you wanna be crucified).

The definition of WORK DONE is
"Work is the amount of energy transferred by a force acting through a distance"
or in simple terms
W=F*D
(This is not an article about some physics theorem. Only references are made !)

But what if either of the energy or the force is negative. By negative energy, I mean working against the cause involuntarily (and not the generic negative aura stuff.... oooooooommmmmm....LOL) or in the case of negative force - a person who is a bad influence on others so that the work is affected. This is what is happening in India today and this is the gist of the blog.

32% of Doctors in US are Indians
28% of Engineers in US are Indians
41% of professionals in UK and Australia are Indians
The list just goes on... But for what?

I know the face curls into a frown as to why I'm betraying my county by bad-mouthing it myself. I am as much patriotic as any other. Sometimes even an eccentric. But its true that India-ns (by which I mean Indians in India), being one of the smartest race in general, are putting themselves and their nation's pride to shame. I dont make empty accusations. I have experienced this fact all over the country and when you compare it with similar situations invloving non-Indians, your head hangs. Here's a few examples - .

I have seen in India that drivers (even those who are decently educated), prefer to sleep at every second they get instead of doing something productive. On the other hand, I have had an experience of a philipino driver (who has only done his basic primary school) who prefers to read in his free time - right from newspapers to novels!!

In the so called 'corporate offices' (no offence to the hard working crowd but its the others who invite the sarcasm and its those germs i'm referring to), the junta has a very 'dont care' attitude towards their work and tend to make a mockery of the whole oganisation. A very irritating habit is the carelessness and laundering of property. There is a saying in Hindi "Tera baap ka maal hai kya?". Its clearly not, so they have no issues in mishandling the company's properties, voluntarily or otherwise. Its the attitude of "It aint mine, so why should I care".

You cannot give the whole responsibility of a job to someone without having to micromanage and follow up continuously. They basically become vegetables who do just what they are told and nothing more. Why does the country need vegetables..? We might as well import robots and program them.

All these issues may seem very trivial and worthless. But put together they make up the scary true story of our country.

The world is filled with Indians, doing a fantastic job. But its sad that the situation is such in our own country. We can blame it on a whole set of reasons ranging from bad politic(ian)s down to the overrated 'call centre culture'. But unless the people realize this and do something about it, no blog, no campaign, no tv ad can ever do anything about it...!

As mentioned in the beginning, this post is just my opinion thru practical experiences. All readers are welcome to agree and more than welcome to disagree...!

Of Pig Hineys, cricket droppings and bday bashes...

2009-05-08T15:27:00.003+08:00

Finally, back from the all hailed US trip... Apart from the work part (which was like 4 days), it was just lazin around, gambling, eating, drinking, more gambling, more eating and ofcourse PMS-ing about how i missed Desi food with a bloody burger and tacos on my plate. I still dont understand how people can LIVE on Fast food. Disgusting !!! I can understand how phhirangi's can do it... cuz they were born dumb... but what I dont get is the so called ABCDs who really think its a ishtyle and kool to do it. Putting the food part aside.... coming to the Gambling. waah... what an invention... A simple and fast way to blow all ur hard earned money to the casino owners in quicker time than u can say "holy cow, thats my money"... A place where u can actually live the "Apna sapna money money" saying. They let u win big and in a jiffy make u feel like slitting ur throat and setting ur self on fire at the same time for not walking out when u won. Goes more to say abt MAN.... What a greedy pig....

Ah.. talkin abt pigs... The H1N1 (read : Hiney...lol) flu or more known as Swine flu. So to say I was very close to the origin of the swine ass flu - latino land. Naaa but dont rejoice... I didnt succumb to it.... yet. Still cant forget what a tantrum these guys throw when you happen to travel during the pandemic.... with all thermal sensors, masks and what not. Freaks a guy out all the more. The masks make u wanna sneeze and hell be brought upon you if u do. Its like wanting to take a piss and your not able to cuz of ppl watching... and what more... a guy comes up to u and starts tickling u.... AAAAACCCCCHHHHOOOOOOO !!! ahhhh that feels better !!!

After gettin back to India, its been pretty much work work and more work for a few days... till yesterday which happened to be the day heaven and hell froze over and all chaos broke loose 24 years back. My Birthday.... Pretty normal day... work trying to creep into my schedule (of a nice day lazing around and doing nothing) and me trying to squeeze it out. Had a killer lunch (the food wasnt the killer, but it was the bill)... Had to succumb to work pressure finally... and late evening my sis wants to take me out for desert (thats what they call booz these days.... aahhh kids...). Got back home for dinner and things were gettin very weird with my folks. They were all acting like they had something in the house that was just abt to explode...Later on I found out that it was my face.... Grrrrr.... My folks had planned a surprise party callin all my ex-colleagues and college friends (more like fiends...) and I my expression was caught on camers.... Naaaa... no way i'm puttin that up in here... Had an amazin dinner with the guys.

And then finally sat down all tired to watch the IPL match - CSK vs KXIP... an amazing piece of entertainment... Dont know what was going thru Dhoni's mind when he sent Badri down opening with Matty. You just had a good opening pair experience with M Vijay in the previous match. No good reason to change it unless Vijay pissed Dhoni off by hitting on Deepika Padukone... Wait a minute... thats already done by Yuvi... And the KXIP fans missed Harbhajan a lot... Not to bowl or anything, but to slap Sreesanth for the kinda bowling he had to offer and that too to a player like Matty... grow up... mallu power... And as for the CSK bowling and fielding.... Someone please smear power glue on the fielder's hands... cuz like their brains.... nothing stays in... Gony can kiss his dreams of Team India goodbye... cuz he just let them right thru his hands and over the boundary line... But I have to mention Raina - the bowler. Everyone's givin the credit to Dhoni for the decision but I say thats just half the well crossed. Raina pulled off an amazing 2 overs and literally saved CSK the embarassment of losing the match inspite of scoring so well. And yes L balaji deserves a mention as well... for his "I run faster than my bowling" stunts in the last over... Ahhhh all in all a good match and an even better Bday...

And now back to work work work... Ofcourse the weekends gonna be kickass with the new Nintendo Wii I got... Muahahahahaha... Ok enuf of evil laugh... Adios...

NOSTALGIA..... Well atleast they try !!!

2009-03-07T14:43:00.002+08:00

Was just goin thru some blogs and photos that reminded me of good ol school n college days. The crappy food, roadside dhaba, birthday bashes, placements and ofcourse hostels. Somehow like a ROLLING STONE, the TRAIN OF THOUGHT led to a certain set of INSURED FACE VALUEs. So I just thought why not pen down MY EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH. Heck some of them are bery bery MIND BLOGGING !!!

These are the few golden words of some of the mahaans in my life in school and college.

1. The Environmentalist

Pretty hot day……Just finished a physics test…..Penguin had to set an IIT paper na?….. Another mass flunk……Whats with the bleddy AC…..Nothing seems to work in this plce….. Leave alone my mind….. (Supervisor / Math teacher walks in)….. Oh no….. Not him…pls….Now what does Manglu want?….holy cow….. maths assignment……everyone sighing….. "Sir, its way to hot to carry on with class"…. not that its gonna make a difference to him……yeckkkhhhh……!~&$%*!&……..And suddenly we hear the most "enlightening" words…..

"Open the window, let the environment come in !!"

(Whoa….Pretty small environment we have there !) The guys in class are just flabbergasted and seriously have no idea what to do next. Especially comin from the supervisor, hell…guys already frustrated due to the excrutiating heat…… But all i could say is ROFLMAO !!!

2. Mathematician

Hmmm…. another math class….. Atleast did my assignment yday…… what a scare that was…..oh damn it….Have to sit in first bench !!! Yuck !!!….Oh my god…. here he goes again….that too right in front of me…..Oye yaaaaarrr….. iska kuch kar naa…… bohot chaat raha hai…….

Mr. Math : Ye Scare plus thoo Bee Scare - thoo yum see yecks scare……. (Read : a square + 2 b square - 2 m c x square…)

Ok…… Thats the last straw...... Fortunately, I have a trusted compadre to help me out.

Mr. G (Wiping his face) : Sir, say it dont spray it…..

Mr. Math : Shaath aap…. Do u know the answer or not. Ye Scare plus thoo Bee Scare - thoo yum see yecks scare…….

Yours truly : Sir, pls dont scare them so much…. Bhaag jaayenge…..

Mr. Math : Both of you three, come here ! (huh ?????? WTF ?????)

(There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who cant…)

3. The 'Mark'sman

arrey…. aaj kya lag rahi hai ….. hmmmmm………(going into a dream)……broken by the shouting of statistician…..

Statistician : What have you done in your notebook ?

Yours truly : (bah….. you dont know what you've done all ur life and ur askin me???) Er…..um…..

Statistician : (Turns to the class) Steps No marks…..No steps No marks…… !!!

Me : (Literally dying with laughter….. Rolling on the floor….…..) "Somebody pls shoot me….. I cant take it any more……"

(Apparently he meant…. that the steps dont carry separate marks but if you dont write the steps, you wont get any marks….OMFG)

And the list goes on and on and on……
- Pls dont rotate the Lab (Pls dont wander in the lab…)

- Now, go in front and follow me !!!! ( :( )

- BioGas is get from Cow Diesel….! (Biogas is obtained from cow dung ) ( Wait till Blue cross hears this !!!)

- I talc, you talc, then HOD pass away, he hear who talc ???? (If I'm talking, and you're also talkin, what'll the HOD think when he PASSES BY) (May the HOD's soul rest in peace !)

May the Lord Almighty save the future generations…..AMEN !!!

Random Tag

2009-02-20T13:32:00.004+08:00

Mishu has tagged me for the Random tag thread to put up 25 random facts abt moi. Yeah right !

Ok the rules are :
- Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.
- At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.
Well... Here Goes...

1. I have a slight OCD (for those who dont know what this is...look it up. Enuf damage gonna be done anyways. I aint gonna inflict further damage to myself by explaining what it is). Mish is gonna run me over for this cuz I keep tellin her that she's got it.

2. I cannot hide anything from 1 person - my sister. Anyone else, I can take their secrets to the grave. but when it comes to my matters, she will come to know sometime or the other. 99.99 % of the time, its me blurting it out.

3. I hate chocolate and ice cream. Many call me wierd for it but yeah I do.

4. I have a selective photographic memory. (whatever I choose to register in my head stays that there). Supposed to be a good thing but most of the time leads to negative consequences.

5. I dont take anything too seriously in life except for 2 things - my family and my friends. I take them to be my priority.

6. I hate to put on faces for others and hate ppl who do so too. Love just to be me and dont care of the consequences. (Have faced a lotta crap due to this)

7. I think its a crime to say no to beer or whisky (no other form of alcohol...lol)

8. I'm a sucker for cricket. Anytime, anywhere, anyday, I can watch, play and talk abt cricket.

9. I eat to live - not the other way around. (Hard to believe but yeah its true)

10. I love slow songs when i'm high. But when sober, its a different story altogether.

11. I seldom get "crazy" angry, but when I do - I seem to tip over the edge. Ppl close to me know of the actions and reactions. (Something to do with #4)

12. I'm an insomniac. Hardly sleep. Can wake up early in the morning after a long night, if necessary.

13. When someone confides in me, I like to go out of my way to comfort and help them. However difficult to reach, I will always give it a shot.

14. I'm more of an introvert (atleast for the past few years). Like to hold things to myself.

15. I'm sort of a time freak. Being punctual and all. Worst part is I expect others around me to be. (I know thats bad)

16. I am a workaholic (Probably the genes). When i'm not working, I have to be doing something or the other that keeps me busy. Being idle drives me nuts.

17. I'm always game to try new stuff (like bungee jumping, sky diving n stuff - yet to do em though :( ).

18. I'm tooo practical and straight forward (mostly the cause of problems). Not the dreamy-land, fairies, cupid believing type.

19. I dont believe in luck at all... Good or Bad, its of my doing. Believe in karma.

20. I'm an ardent believer of the cliche - "Rules are meant to be broken". Have done sooo many crazy things and got into trouble for em.

21. I can make friends easily but am very very careful committing towards a relationship.

22. I get highly irritated when someone doesnt keep up the trust that I have on them.

23. I love kids and dogs. (Separately of course) I can get along with them within a max. 10 mins.

24. When I get into trouble, I can never lie. Its easy to call my bluff.

25. I just hate window shopping. Call me chauvinistic, but I think its meant only for the ladies. Guys can accompany them while shopping but I cant take them getting so involved that U cant say which is which.

There u go, one hell of a time. I had to wrench and squeeze my brain to get this done.
And sorry but I aint gonna tag anyone NOW...probably later (refer to # 20).

Now I tag someone...
Pradeep

Murphy-ed....!

2009-02-18T11:50:00.002+08:00

A friend of mine once had a date with the big man and guess didn’t like him too much. She dumped him. Now, he’s so upset that he’s hit the roads with a Romanov in his hand and catches hold of every Tom, Dick and Harry he can lay his eyes on to torcher them to set him up with her again on a second chance.

Unfortunately, I happen to play the roll of Tom.

Today, I was not sure whether it was the Zulus doing the mamba wamba rain dance or the big man just lettin out his frustrations, But it was one ‘hell’ of a rain with all the wrath showing as lightning and thunder. Starting at 1 00 am, he cried, cried and cried. Somehow the cries (rain) stopped at 6 am.

Left the house on my bike thinking about the wet roads. I didnt know i was in for some sick games. Roads are unusually empty and everything seemingly normal. I dont want to take risks (pretty unusual of me) and so keep a constant speed of 35 (Thanks to digital metres). Now comes the ‘twists and turns’. I see a red santro in front of me slowing down to a stop towards the left at a decent distance away. I say “ah, what the heck” and continue my drive.

Suddenly, the red santro swerves to the right from all the way left to take a ‘U-Turn’ and i’m the scapegoat. Hit the rear brakes (literally standing on it to be more precise) and the bike starts skidding sideways. Experience has taught me never to hit the front brakes abrubtly unless i wanted a "Hallowed be thy head" (effect of Iron Maiden 24-7...Sorry). So ya, thankfully my (so called) instincts pop up from nowhere and I hit the front brakes after the vehicle slowed down a bit.

There was a small ‘Romantic’ moment between my bike’s front tire and the santro’s door, which was blatantly cut short with my banging on the driver’s window. Window rolls down to show the face of a woman in her 40s murmuring blah blah blah. (STFU womannnnn) I shout ‘What the **** is wrong with you? What are the bloody indicators for?’ The woman has the guts to say, ‘I THOUGHT i had switched on the LEFT indicator’. Pls note this point your honour. First of all she ‘thought’ she had done it and next she says “left” indicator when she swerved to the right. Grrrr....

These kind of bird brains who call themselves drivers shouldn’t be allowed on the roads. Anyways, we parted with swearing words and went our own ways. Since after the incident, Murphy has had some mercy on me and not fiddled with my day….SO FAR. Cant be stuck inside the house so well i'm off again. Lets c what the big man has in store.... Bring It On !!!

The Good Son

2009-02-12T17:11:00.000+08:00

So this being my first blog after hibernation for god knows how long....
I thought a small introduction would be apt...

A sample of how 'good' I am since the good ol days. I have played many a role in childhood. Just a few of 'em that stuck in my memory….

Role : Climber
Age : 5
Venue : Home sweet home, 1st floor balcony

Author looks around in suspicion.
Mom - packing dad's lunch…Check
Dad - Gettin ready for work…Check
Sis - Sleeping like a baby…Check
Coast is clear….

Make a dash for it !!
Have to know whats behind that balcony door….

Ah…!! What a b-e-a-utiful view !!
How dare they deprieve me of this…??? Hmpf...

Ooohh whats this… (the thrill of looking over the balcony railings)...
Whoops….(Author slips and falls…hangs on to the railing)

Now if I scream, (trust me - I really really want to) I'm gonna get my arse kicked by my dad… Hmmmm….Lemme wait this one out. (Waits for a signal…)

On hearing the sweet sound of my dad's bike vrroom out the gate,I scream, Moooooommmmmmyyyyy….. Helllllppppppp !!! Now my mom knows I'm missing and something is wrong but poor thing doesnt know where the sound was coming from.
Finally, after constant screams, she found me !!!Yay….

Even though I got the proper 'treatment', I still hold pride for my presence of mind on saving my behind.

Role : Bullfighter
Age : 6
Venue : Just outside the apartments

Mom and dad have gone to office…Sister playing with her friends…I'm bored…
hmmmm - a cow… (Bulb lights up above my head)

I Walk up to the HUGE (hey, it was huge….atleast compared to my size) beast…
And start playing race car with its half grown horns….
Durrrrr…..Honk… Honk…And Bam !!! An accident…

The Beast is out of control….The Raging Bullfighter is thrown a few feet away into a storage bin (thats what i prefer to call it.... NOT a dustbin)…

And Behold !!! The fighter walks without a scratch. (Author thinking "Haha..silly fellows..if only they could read my mind..ouch !!)
Thats why, till date I keep my distance from the 'supposedly' calm beasts.
(hmpf…cant even let a little kid play race on their horns….And people call them calm..Che )

Role : Hitchiker
Age : 6
Venue : Outside Kumar Uncle's House…Near his scooter

Kumar Uncle is just about to leave for office in a hurry cuz he's running late.
Gets onto the scooter and starts kicking again and again and again…(Hey, its after all Hamaraa bajaj….. Hamaraa Bajaj )
Anyways, A free ride is worth anything…So I get onto the backseat of the scooter and wait impatiently.
Finally, after a few more huff and puffs, he kickstarts my free ride.
After about 10 mins I get bored of the ride and the feeling that I was straying away too far from home was engulfing me.
So i calmly just tap uncle on his shoulder and say :
"Uncle, enough of taking me around. Can you please drop me back at home cuz amma will be looking for me now."

Imagine the look on his face…He jumps up and looks around frantically.
Me, being the 'good' son, calm him :
"Uncle, dont worry its me only. Madan. I got on when you were about to leave. Now take me back home."
The vehicle comes to a screeching halt with the other roadsters shouting and waving their fists at me.
Kumar uncle gets down from the vehicle and his face was really red for some reason.
Till today I couldnt figure out whether it was because of the scare I gave or the rage.
But anyways, it was red.
Finally he dropped me back home hissing and cussing.
I think he bunked office that day…(wait a minute, it was the whole week.... oops..)
I think his Blood Pressure went off the roof….

Well there you go…
Just a few incidents to prove how innocent and good I have been.
Right from childhood….
Till date…. I swear....
Just that my "deeds" have grown along and are now at a different level.... hehe...
Adios…. Ciao... Bye...